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The truth Of me

As a kid, I'd go to the kitchen and steal a matchbox 
It was a secret i kept from my mother
I'd take one and strike it on the side of the box

Once it was ignited, I'd watch as it burned slowly in my sight
From the match head to the stem, and till the end.
It will go blazing 

I felt this little compulsion to hold onto it till the match was burnt completely; a little game i played with myself

But as the flickering flame turned the wood to ashes and the fire came close to my skin, a sense of fear crept in." would it burn my skin?" So right before the fire could touch my finger, i would let it go and drop the matchstick on the ground; one end burnt.

A sense of defeat would gush in; "i couldn't hold onto it long enough"; "i wasn't brave enough".

So i light another one, and another; until i run out of matches.

But i light each one with more conviction than the previous; a little more belief, a little more faith.

Until i held it long enough to hurt myself and emerged victorious

Being with you was exactly like holding onto that burning matchstick

The longer i held you, the faster you burnt

And greater were the chances that our intimacy would incinerate me; greater were the chances that our rapport would rupture you 

But i loved you long enough to know the better of our union; if only love was about intimacy and togetherness

If only "happily ever after" was enough for me, i would embrace it for an eternity and never let you go

But No
That's not me
That's not what i want us to be

So I'll leave

And when i do, i know my heart would sink into the deepest vales; to never come back again
When I leave, I'll never love again

When i leave, I'll yearn for you long after my existence fades away from your world

And years later when you hear my name, the chords of your heart will not strike mine, nightingales won't hum the same melody and the  stars won't twinkle the same

But i promise
My love would outgrow yours

And I'll long for you like the moth longs for the light; like a gambler longs for the game he's ready to lose

Unlike the matchstick, holding on is no longer the cause of my pain
Letting you go is.

I don't have it in me to watch you burn
And thats why I'm letting you go.

Here i accept defeat; yet emerge victorious.

                                                            By WALLY 

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